We focus a lot on improving family communications, and for good reason: effective estate planning should be done at the kitchen table, not over a hospital bed (or worse). And while these conversations can be daunting, we need to have them or run the risk of having incomplete information exacerbating the paperwork crisis and chaos of the inheritance process.
Morning Star delivered another great piece on estate planning which helps highlight the three main areas of inquiry for Mom and Dad as well as Grandma and Grandpa. We need to explore topics in three key areas:
- How Healthy Are Your Finances?
- Do You Have End-of-Life Plans and Documents?
- Is Your Home Still Safe and Comfortable for You?
The sage advice on how to start the conversation about finances? “Our parents don’t want to be a burden, and it may seem like everything is fine, but appearances can be deceiving. Gently ask how they’re managing their bills: Are they paying on time, do they have enough money?” With that, we can shift into questions about their income, their expenses, and note that we’re not trying to pry, just get a lay of the land. A practical tip: simplify things (number of accounts, cards, etc) to avoid confusion or doubt.
It is hard for all of us to face our own mortality, but not talking about it doesn’t help. “If you die without a will, state law is going to determine who gets your assets. … [Or] family members get into fighting over who gets what,” says author and journalist Cameron Huddleston. These are the two major outcomes we all want to avoid. And I would further suggest a secure, online system to store and share these plans is table stakes.
A 2024 AARP study shows that the majority of older adults want to stay in their homes, a refrain we are hearing more and more. “As people age, though, it can be difficult, especially if they’re far from the rest of the family. The issue of where to live is particularly emotional, but it’s best to be honest and realistic. Can your parents still climb the stairs? Can they safely maintain a big yard?” These are real questions that deserve real thought and time that both impact and can even improve the family dynamics.
These conversations are foundational and critical. “Your loved ones may not be open to these tricky conversations the first time around, but raise the issue gently again, making sure they know how much you care.” Let’s help Mom and Dad bask in the security knowing that they helped the family legacy endure. Let’s help ourselves with proper planning, paperwork, and process. Let’s help our families move forward…