Father Time and Mother Nature remain undefeated, despite what my or anyone else’s ego likes to pretend on the matter. That is true for us, for our Next Generation, and definitely for Mom and Dad. So, what are some practical, valuable steps we can take today to help us tomorrow?
As we repeatedly advocate, the most important thing is to ask them what they want. It’s their life! And we must be here to learn, not tell. “Mom and Dad, where do you see yourself living in 3-5-10+ years?” “How do you envision retirement?” “What kind of hobbies or interests or vacations do you see filling your time?” “What are you excited about?" "What makes you nervous?”
The goal here is to be exploratory, open to their answers, and non-judgmental. This is not a one-time event! It is a series of intentional, regular conversations over the Kitchen Table. As we learn more about Mom and Dad’s wishes, we can begin to map out the realities of their longer healthspans and active lives.
With that directional foundation in mind, we can begin to shift the conversation towards the planning and process portion of the conversation. Assuming Mom and Dad are still intellectually sharp, our oft-cited CPA Kurt Supe has some solid advice:
- Add a trusted contact to every bank and investment account this week. It’s a simple form. The financial institution can call them if something looks off.
- Reduce your accounts now. Multiple banks and logins feel normal today. Later they become a mess you can’t manage.
- Put every recurring bill on autopay. Missed payments and strange charges are usually the first warning signs.
- Give one trusted person view-only access. They can see problems. They can’t touch the money.
- Write down exactly when someone is allowed to step in and help. Make the rule yours, not an argument later.
What I appreciate about these five steps is that they are preparing for tomorrow without causing hassles today. Mom and Dad are still in control, but with reasonable guardrails that don’t curtail their lives. And we can monitor without meddling, which is an act of love and support. And it comes after the family has built the intergenerational trust of goal setting and life direction.
These fundamental principles will help Mom and Dad ride off into the sunset as they deserve, with the autonomy and freedom they’ve earned. Good family communication leading to better family wealth planning and outcomes. This is how we can help ourselves. This is how we move our families forward…