We’ve all felt it. Seen it. Lived it. And yet, not enough of us are talking about it. And what to do about it. The natural cycle of life demands that eventually, Mom and Dad are no longer the adults, we are. The Sandwich Generation is raising both our parents and the Next Generation. The role reversal is happening now for all of us.
Sahil Bloom rather eloquently noted, “Something we don’t talk about enough is just how difficult the identity shifts are as your parents get older. I just think there’s an unspoken grief associated with losing a prior identity, for both your parents and yourself. You’ve spent your whole life being on the receiving end of their care. They’ve always embraced being the care giver. But now, the role slowly reverses. And resistance just makes it worse. It’s not a seasonal shift or a wave. There’s no halting that progression. Avoidance isn’t a real option. But the more you lean into it, the sooner you have the uncomfortable conversation, the better.”
What struck me was the acknowledgement of grief, something that was part of the milieu but not something I had explicitly named. And he’s 100% right. I don’t want to acknowledge that my Hero is getting older. I don’t want to admit that, despite decades of comfort and receiving care, it’s my turn to step up and lead the family. There is grief intertwined with this reality.
MIT Longevity Expert Dr Joseph Coughlin was recently on the Mel Robbins Podcast with a masterclass in how to age and live and thrive better, and when we reframe this process from Mom and Dad’s perspective, there is grief and frustration and embarrassment for them, too. Naming our emotions with Mom and Dad can help them relax and sit in it with us, providing connection and establishing a foundation to have these family conversations together.
Maybe Mom and Dad aren’t great at this part of parenting. That’s OK. Let’s show them the way. Let’s be the adults for the family and lead by example. Let’s help ourselves, our Mom and Dad, our Next Generation, and our families by having these family wealth conversations at the kitchen table. Family Planning is an act of love. Let’s move our families forward…